D/s relationships sometimes include punishment for improper behavior that exceeds the control that most Dominants have over their submissives. Punishment is not to be confused with "discipline play" which can mimic the real thing in many ways but lacks the crucial emotional ingredients. These punishments often take the form of spankings and that is the form I will be discussing here. Other types of punishments can work just as well, depending on the submissive, as long as they contain the important emotional and psychological components. Punishment spankings are not just harder play spankings. The physical severity of a real punishment spanking is often less than what the same couple practices in play. If the other emotional and psychological pieces are in place, the actual spanking is almost a formality.
Few Dominants are willing to invest the emotional psychological commitment needed for punishment to help the submissive work through the cause of the disobedience and the intense aftermath. Real punishment belongs within the context of a strong relationship whether that be a close friend or lover/spouse. Punishment does not occur with a stranger. For many submissives/slaves, a D/s relationship without real accountability and punishment is not a real D/s relationship.
In the simplest types of situations, punishment spankings can allow the Dominant to "vent" his annoyance with his sub. This clears the air and allows things to go on as usual without allowing bad feelings to grow. These punishments are often spankings that start with "That’s it, you’ve had it" and happen without much planning. After spanking apologies and hugs clear the air and serve an important purpose in a D/s relationship.
Other types of punishments aren’t as spontaneous. They fall into the category of "I’ve really screwed up this time and deserve a spanking and it’s going to be a good one." The intent of these types of punishments go beyond clearing the air. They involve more serious offenses and tend to be more ritualized. Instead of an intense, quick purge, they’re long with a slow build up and intend the offender to be sore for a long time… the better to remember the lesson. They are usually preceded by a lecture in order for the submissive to understand why she is being punished. It is common to require the submissive to admit that she *needs* the punishment and to affirm that she has agreed to this particular aspect of the D/s relationship. They should always end with a sincere apology and understanding that the disobedience will not be repeated. They should also end with loving comfort to assure the submissive that the Dominant has taken the action for her own good and that He still loves her.
The important thing to remember is that Your control over your submissive is dependent upon her knowledge that You will do whatever is necessary to maintain that control. If she knows that, it is unlikely that You will have to exercise it often.
The following is something that I found several years ago on a newsgroup and would like to share:
*Helga Theory.*
Inside every woman (and every man as well... but for the purpose of this post... will stay with women) is an independent woman who represents our assertive drive. Or ego if you will. Ego is not a bad word... unless it is used for selfish purposes only. Our ego, or drive... gets us up in the morning. Gives us the determination to deal with day to day things, strive towards a goal, makes decisions, gets us out of harms way, and pushes us to stand up in front of others with our opinions knowing that all will not be received well. This is *Helga.* As you can see, Helga wears many hats. Most of which, many times, may be the proverbially *cone bra & helmut.* Ya see... Helga (who has grown much larger as she gets older) also has another job. She protects the other person living inside this woman... the little girl/submissive.
Helga has been conditioned by her environment (nuture) with fear. She has seen the *little girl/submissive* being abandoned, used, abused and all in all... not loved. The little girl however... is still just that... a little girl by nature. She wants to come out to play... trusting in all she meets... showing little fear of her surroundings... reaching out to love and be loved... unconditionally.
Helga... is her guardian. Helga is the one men/Doms do battle with. Helga is the one that could get the Pope to reconsider His faith! When one is hearing Helga spout off... (as in trying to figure out how a conversation about finances can get turned aound to arguing about garbage bags)... what many times He is hearing is the verbalization of the internal battle between Helga and the little girl. A very frustrating time for the woman... as she tries to sort out her intellect from her emotions.
Many times... men will give up trying to reconcile the conversation and leave. Helga then wins. Some men will try to battle Helga straight on. But as any good warrior will tell you... one should never battle the enemy on THEIR turf. Helga will win again. For you see Helga will concince herself... no matter how *right* Your points are... that you know not of what You speak. In BOTH instances... the little girl submissive is standing behind the leg of Helga... praying you don't go away.
The trick is to learn to walk right through Helga... not by breaking her down per se... but by not *Reacting* toooo much to her insecurities/fears. Whatever we react to... automically gives it more power. So the trick is to recognize Helga's fears... and walk calmy through them... to then reach our for the hand of the little girl/submissive who yearns to come out to play.
You then... become the Guardian.
And Helga... can sit her little ass down... knowing the submissive is safe.
Helga seems to make herself known from time to time. She at times... will get back up. She, as in all life, wants to exit. She will challenge You from time to time. Test you unconsciously, to see if You still can be trusted with the Guardianship of little girl/submissive. If you (generic) don't buckle or react too much to her... she will soon know that the little girl is safe... and can rest again.
Slowly... you *should* notice... she makes fewer and fewer appearances.
Now i know... this all may sound oh so very simple in dealing with the complexities of humans. Life is certainly not black & white. But i hope i maybe put a name to some of it for you.
Good luck and keep walking through... *Helga.*
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Helga seems to make herself known from time to time. She at times... will get back up. She, as in all life, wants to exit. She will challenge You from time to time. Test you unconsciously, to see if You still can be trusted with the Guardianship of little girl/submissive. If you (generic) don't buckle or react too much to her... she will soon know that the little girl is safe... and can rest again.
Slowly... you *should* notice... she makes fewer and fewer appearances.
Now i know... this all may sound oh so very simple in dealing with the complexities of humans. Life is certainly not black & white. But i hope i maybe put a name to some of it for you.
Good luck and keep walking through... *Helga.*
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