originally posted to bondage.com and reprinted with permission
This is a topic which arises periodically on the boards – whether slaves are able to have limits or not. And it seems that whenever this topic arises, that the claim that “of course slaves have limits” is readily embraced, while the belief that “it is possible to live as a slave without limits” is derided as dangerous or impossible. Rather than continue to address how i am able to live my life as a “no limits” slave within each individual thread that arises, i have decided to write it out in detail and post it here.
A caveat before beginning: i am not saying that this is the “right” or “true” or “best” way to be a slave. It is my view – and my Master’s view – on limits within the context of a TPE M/s relationship. But i believe VERY much that it is up to the parties involved in a relationship to define what is “right” for them. As such, i will be happy to read responses on the way others structure their relationships, but i am not much for debate... and this concept, and the way we choose to live our lives, will not change for me and for my Master. So please forgive me if i do not engage in a “lively” debate on this topic. i simply can’t do that (which is why i never contribute to the Politics forum – hee hee!).
All right, so, here we go.
i will begin with my conceptualization of a slave within a total power exchange (TPE) relationship. i believe that in order to be owned, an individual must add *value* to the owner. Now that value is extremely subjective, as each owner will value something different in his slave, but there is value there nonetheless. And in order to provide complete value and use to my owner of his property, there should be no part of me that he is unable to utilize for his purposes and his pleasure.
So, if i choose, as a slave, to have limits, then i have held back a portion of my “self” for MY use. That inherently contradicts with my conceptualization of a slave – in order to provide full and effective value to my Master, he needs full utilization of me as his slave. If i have limits, there is a piece of me that is not utilized or even accessible to him. i would have set out all my gifts on the table that i have chosen to share with him, but at the same time placed those items which i want to protect in a dusty corner, where i will watch over them and protect them on my own.
And what does this holding back cause within a TPE relationship? This would create an incomplete bond between my Master and me. He would know that he is my Master, up to a point. And i would get to decide when he’s crossed that point – and i liken that point to being the point of emasculation, where i have taken not only the power in the relationship, but also somehow taken part of the very essence of his Mastery over me. i am able to tell him, “i am yours, you own me, except for these items in the corner over here, and when you get too close to those then *i* will take the power in the relationship.” And he knows, he knows, in the back of his mind that those items are still mine, and he doesn’t own them – and therefore there is a still a piece of me that he does not have complete ownership of, that he is unable to utilize for his purposes, and – and most importantly – that i do not trust for him to own... hence the sense of loss of the TOTAL power exchange, and – for me – a sense that somehow i have emasculated my Master.
All right, so i determined, that in order to identify as a slave with my conceptualization of complete TPE and value to my owner, i realized that i would need to have no limits with my Master as his slave. Easier said than done, i know. i sat down with myself and determined that in order to be owned in a Master/slave situation with no limits, i would need the following: A Master that i felt held the strength of character that i could live with in a situation of complete faith and trust. And not just faith and trust in him, but faith and trust in my situation with him - to where even when he makes mistakes (after all, he is human and is fallible) i know that i am still safe. By having this trust in his character and in my safety at all times, i am therefore able to provide to him complete and absolute servitude and access to me as his property.
And i have found this in my Boss.
With Boss, i have no limits. i have given ALL my limits to him.
To explain how this works, let’s go back to the concept of a slave as value. My Master has value in me, just as he has value in the car he owns. It is in his interest, as my Master, to safeguard that value for his pleasure and purposes. If he damages me, he has damaged that value, and lost usage of me as his slave. i also have value to my Master emotionally... as a girl who he loves and adores and who brings him great pride.
So, in giving all my limits to my Master, i am also enabling him to have absolute control over maintaining the value of his property. This means that i no longer have to worry about what he will and won’t do to me... *he* gets to worry about it. He gets to consider every action he takes and the effect it will have on me as his property. And what a tremendous sense of freedom for us both... for me freedom from worrying about if he will cross the line, and for him from worrying about where the line is drawn and accidentally crossing it.
i believe strongly that by believing in a person with character, and enabling him to feel that belief by loving, supporting, taking pride in, and adoring him, he will live up that belief as best he can.
Now, there are those who always bring up in this type of discussion the fact that there are physical limits to what i can do, such as jumping off a cliff, or biting off my finger, or flying upon command. To those i say: These things are just silly – after all, we’re talking about a relationship here, not a theory on physics or physiology... and even then, i don’t worry about these things, BOSS does. i have the mindset, as outlined above, that instead of saying i *won’t* do these things, i say that if i were made to do those things my Master would lose value in his slave, therefore he won’t direct me to do them – and i don’t need to worry about even thinking about them.
And even with that, there are those that say, well, even if you choose to let your Master own them, they are still your physical limits. i understand that point. i know that i CAN’T fly, that it would be practically impossible for me to bite off my own finger, and so on. But honestly, in my mindset, i don’t even think about such things. Why? Because, my trust in the character of my Master to maintain my safety in my situation negates those concerns as something to even think about. Therefore yes, those physical impossibilities do exist, but i do not think about them as limits... because those physical impossibilities do not come into play within the scope of our relationship and situation together. Again, this is a no limits *mindset*, not a fantasy land of our creation where slaves can fly and so on.
So it comes down to this as the mindset that i have: i don’t worry – even think – about limits. My Master does. i am able to spend my days happy and free from expending the mental energy on worrying about limits – and am able to focus 100% on providing value to my Master in whatever form he chooses for me to do so.
And what happens the day that my Master decides he wants to do something new and possibly extreme with me? This, again, goes back to the concept of character. By choosing a Master of character, i know that he will approach me in a way that is appropriate to the situation. Sure, he might come home one day, tie me up, and use a cheese grater and sea salt on my ass, without even saying a word. But in most instances, if it is something truly extreme, he will talk with me first, listening to any fears i may have, so that he can formulate his actions appropriately.
You see, part of character is communication... the ability to communicate with me as his slave and integrate what i tell him into his actions. Boss and i have excellent communication, and i am free to talk to him whenever i feel the need, without fear of negative repercussions if i am communicating honestly and from the heart. Communication is the grease which keeps the TPE machine running... without it, things *can* logjam and break down. But this is true for any relationship!
Also, to break two other “myths” let me say that just because a slave is “no limits” doesn’t mean she is a masochist, and it doesn’t mean that she is constantly and continuously used hard and painfully!
So, there you have it. This is how i live my life with my Master with no limits. i say to myself all the time that i choose to live with faith and trust. And it is a remarkably free way to live! i am open... open and available to receive anything that comes along in life, good or bad, fun or not so fun. And i *know* that i get to have WONDERFUL experiences in life – and not just my life with my Master, but life in general! - that i might have missed out on if i was always concerned about “holding back” part of myself.
And yes, at times, it may hurt. At times he, or i, or both of us may make mistakes – but that is ok, it is part of being human. But it is the goal and the mindset of the journey together that matters, and we are constantly learning and growing our way through this together. And what a wonderful, exciting, adventurous, and opportunity-filled journey it is... and i am ever, *ever* so happy to be living it – without limits.
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A caveat before beginning: i am not saying that this is the “right” or “true” or “best” way to be a slave. It is my view – and my Master’s view – on limits within the context of a TPE M/s relationship. But i believe VERY much that it is up to the parties involved in a relationship to define what is “right” for them. As such, i will be happy to read responses on the way others structure their relationships, but i am not much for debate... and this concept, and the way we choose to live our lives, will not change for me and for my Master. So please forgive me if i do not engage in a “lively” debate on this topic. i simply can’t do that (which is why i never contribute to the Politics forum – hee hee!).
All right, so, here we go.
i will begin with my conceptualization of a slave within a total power exchange (TPE) relationship. i believe that in order to be owned, an individual must add *value* to the owner. Now that value is extremely subjective, as each owner will value something different in his slave, but there is value there nonetheless. And in order to provide complete value and use to my owner of his property, there should be no part of me that he is unable to utilize for his purposes and his pleasure.
So, if i choose, as a slave, to have limits, then i have held back a portion of my “self” for MY use. That inherently contradicts with my conceptualization of a slave – in order to provide full and effective value to my Master, he needs full utilization of me as his slave. If i have limits, there is a piece of me that is not utilized or even accessible to him. i would have set out all my gifts on the table that i have chosen to share with him, but at the same time placed those items which i want to protect in a dusty corner, where i will watch over them and protect them on my own.
And what does this holding back cause within a TPE relationship? This would create an incomplete bond between my Master and me. He would know that he is my Master, up to a point. And i would get to decide when he’s crossed that point – and i liken that point to being the point of emasculation, where i have taken not only the power in the relationship, but also somehow taken part of the very essence of his Mastery over me. i am able to tell him, “i am yours, you own me, except for these items in the corner over here, and when you get too close to those then *i* will take the power in the relationship.” And he knows, he knows, in the back of his mind that those items are still mine, and he doesn’t own them – and therefore there is a still a piece of me that he does not have complete ownership of, that he is unable to utilize for his purposes, and – and most importantly – that i do not trust for him to own... hence the sense of loss of the TOTAL power exchange, and – for me – a sense that somehow i have emasculated my Master.
All right, so i determined, that in order to identify as a slave with my conceptualization of complete TPE and value to my owner, i realized that i would need to have no limits with my Master as his slave. Easier said than done, i know. i sat down with myself and determined that in order to be owned in a Master/slave situation with no limits, i would need the following: A Master that i felt held the strength of character that i could live with in a situation of complete faith and trust. And not just faith and trust in him, but faith and trust in my situation with him - to where even when he makes mistakes (after all, he is human and is fallible) i know that i am still safe. By having this trust in his character and in my safety at all times, i am therefore able to provide to him complete and absolute servitude and access to me as his property.
And i have found this in my Boss.
With Boss, i have no limits. i have given ALL my limits to him.
To explain how this works, let’s go back to the concept of a slave as value. My Master has value in me, just as he has value in the car he owns. It is in his interest, as my Master, to safeguard that value for his pleasure and purposes. If he damages me, he has damaged that value, and lost usage of me as his slave. i also have value to my Master emotionally... as a girl who he loves and adores and who brings him great pride.
So, in giving all my limits to my Master, i am also enabling him to have absolute control over maintaining the value of his property. This means that i no longer have to worry about what he will and won’t do to me... *he* gets to worry about it. He gets to consider every action he takes and the effect it will have on me as his property. And what a tremendous sense of freedom for us both... for me freedom from worrying about if he will cross the line, and for him from worrying about where the line is drawn and accidentally crossing it.
i believe strongly that by believing in a person with character, and enabling him to feel that belief by loving, supporting, taking pride in, and adoring him, he will live up that belief as best he can.
Now, there are those who always bring up in this type of discussion the fact that there are physical limits to what i can do, such as jumping off a cliff, or biting off my finger, or flying upon command. To those i say: These things are just silly – after all, we’re talking about a relationship here, not a theory on physics or physiology... and even then, i don’t worry about these things, BOSS does. i have the mindset, as outlined above, that instead of saying i *won’t* do these things, i say that if i were made to do those things my Master would lose value in his slave, therefore he won’t direct me to do them – and i don’t need to worry about even thinking about them.
And even with that, there are those that say, well, even if you choose to let your Master own them, they are still your physical limits. i understand that point. i know that i CAN’T fly, that it would be practically impossible for me to bite off my own finger, and so on. But honestly, in my mindset, i don’t even think about such things. Why? Because, my trust in the character of my Master to maintain my safety in my situation negates those concerns as something to even think about. Therefore yes, those physical impossibilities do exist, but i do not think about them as limits... because those physical impossibilities do not come into play within the scope of our relationship and situation together. Again, this is a no limits *mindset*, not a fantasy land of our creation where slaves can fly and so on.
So it comes down to this as the mindset that i have: i don’t worry – even think – about limits. My Master does. i am able to spend my days happy and free from expending the mental energy on worrying about limits – and am able to focus 100% on providing value to my Master in whatever form he chooses for me to do so.
And what happens the day that my Master decides he wants to do something new and possibly extreme with me? This, again, goes back to the concept of character. By choosing a Master of character, i know that he will approach me in a way that is appropriate to the situation. Sure, he might come home one day, tie me up, and use a cheese grater and sea salt on my ass, without even saying a word. But in most instances, if it is something truly extreme, he will talk with me first, listening to any fears i may have, so that he can formulate his actions appropriately.
You see, part of character is communication... the ability to communicate with me as his slave and integrate what i tell him into his actions. Boss and i have excellent communication, and i am free to talk to him whenever i feel the need, without fear of negative repercussions if i am communicating honestly and from the heart. Communication is the grease which keeps the TPE machine running... without it, things *can* logjam and break down. But this is true for any relationship!
Also, to break two other “myths” let me say that just because a slave is “no limits” doesn’t mean she is a masochist, and it doesn’t mean that she is constantly and continuously used hard and painfully!
So, there you have it. This is how i live my life with my Master with no limits. i say to myself all the time that i choose to live with faith and trust. And it is a remarkably free way to live! i am open... open and available to receive anything that comes along in life, good or bad, fun or not so fun. And i *know* that i get to have WONDERFUL experiences in life – and not just my life with my Master, but life in general! - that i might have missed out on if i was always concerned about “holding back” part of myself.
And yes, at times, it may hurt. At times he, or i, or both of us may make mistakes – but that is ok, it is part of being human. But it is the goal and the mindset of the journey together that matters, and we are constantly learning and growing our way through this together. And what a wonderful, exciting, adventurous, and opportunity-filled journey it is... and i am ever, *ever* so happy to be living it – without limits.
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