Party Etiquette

Disclosure: This is intended to refer to private parties in a home rather than a public dungeon, but many of the same principals apply.   Pay attention to the individual rules at the public playspace you attend.   They are usually discussed in depth at an orientation prior to your admittance.

Why is it important to review party etiquette?

1. Parties are part of the fun of the S&M scene.
2. Parties are usually private and by invitation only.
3. Novices are often disappointed when they are not invited.
4. Party guests often don't understand why they aren't invited back.
5. Individual concepts of proper behavior differ.


How to get invited - get noticed by the host:

1. Get involved in the BDSM community.
2. Act respectfully towards others.
3. Be recommended by an invitee.


When you get an invitation:

1. Do not show off or discuss your invitation.
2. Ask the host if help - food, drink, etc. - is needed.
3. Ask before bringing a guest unless the invitation specifies.


If you don't get an invitation:

1. Everyone can't be invited every time because of party size and the desired mix of people.
2. Ask the host why you weren't invited if you expected to be - be polite in your inquiry.
3. Consider contacting someone who has parties and offering to co-host (bring refreshments, help set-up, stay for clean up, etc.) in exchange for the use of their play space.


Common reasons for being dropped from the guest list:

1. Drunken/drugged behavior.
2. Overly aggressive behavior in seeking play partners.
3. Reluctance to give contact information - if you don't trust the hosts, why should they trust you?

DURING THE PARTY

Arrival:

1. Don't arrive early unless you are asked to - you're in the way.
2. Conceal party clothes and toys unless otherwise notified.
3. Don't bring illegal substances or guns.


Eating, Drinking, and Smoking:

1. Only in designated areas.
2. Excessive alcohol (if allowed) often leads to unacceptable behavior.
3. Use trash cans; look for recycling containers.
4. If you spill something, clean it up. If you don't know how, ask for help.


Meeting New People:

1. Introduce yourself politely; don't be a pest.
2. Don't make assumptions regarding roles.
3. Be honest and objective when describing a potential scene.
4. Be discrete regarding name and contact information.
5. Don't take it personally if you're turned down.
6. Be considerate of people who are shy.


Playing in the Play Area:

1. Limit conversation in the play area.
2. Don't crowd ongoing scenes.
3. Obey the dungeon Master/Mistress/Hosts
4. Ask before borrowing toys; then put them back.
5. Ask for help with unfamiliar equipment or techniques.
6. Keep track of your gear.
7. Limit the space you need for a scene.
8. Don't monopolize major equipment.
9. Limit shrieking and screaming.
10. Clean up after messy scenes - use a drop cloth when waxing.
11. Discuss elaborate scenes with the host in advance.
12. Entertain yourself and have a good time.


After the Party:

1. Don't overstay your welcome.   Note the end time and be out by that time.
2. Check your gear. (Is what you've got yours; do you have all you brought?)
3. Help clean up.
4. Thank the hosts (personally, if possible.)
5. Don't discuss the party with people who weren't invited.

A SUGGESTION

Although it is not expected that you play in public at a play party, and many do not, it is natural that those who do will be invited more often.

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