Safety Tips


This page contains safety tips on:

ONLINE SAFETY:

1. When you first visit chat rooms, don't announce in the open room who you are and what you are looking for.

2. Don't give your real name, phone number or other personal information to anyone you've just met online. First names are sufficient in the beginning.

3. Never give your credit card information or your password to anyone under any circumstances.

4. When approached by a potential partner, ask questions. Get to know the person online as well as you can, and then discretely ask for references (or do some investigating). Heed any warnings you receive about an individual, but be sure you ask for more than one opinion.

5. If someone wishes to speak with you by phone and you don't yet have a basis for fully trusting them, offer to call them instead. You can disable any Caller-ID function they may have by punching in the disable code (dial *67 and then the number you are calling).

6. Keep your first phone conversation brief and friendly.

7. Never go against your instincts.

8. If someone demands your name or phone number and you've respectfully and repeatedly told them no, perhaps it's time to close the door.

9. Even if you live close to someone you meet online, take your time getting to know them online and by phone. Speak several times by phone, and if you do agree to meet, set it up in a public place. A serious potential partner won't mind.


FIRST-TIME MEETINGS:

1. Always set up the meeting well in advance, so you have adequate time to arrange a safety net. This goes for Doms and subs alike.

2. Arrange to meet for the first time during daylight hours in a public place, such as a mall or a restaurant. Park your car some distance away, so that if the meeting goes badly, you cannot be followed away. Another idea is to take a cab to this first meeting.

3. If you are traveling, do not let the person you're meeting know where you're staying.

4. Do not set up an expectation that you will play at the first meeting.

5. Do not play at the first meeting.

6. Consider taking along a friend to the first meeting.

7. Use "safe calls" (also called "silent alarms").
Here are some ideas:

8. Be honest. If you feel, after the first meeting, that this person is not someone you want to be involved with, be up-front about it. (But it's not necessarily a good idea to do this at your first meeting. Go home and sleep on it. Arrange to speak to this person the next day.)


FIRST-TIME SCENES:

1. Use "safe calls". If you plan to play at your new partner's home, make sure your safe call friend has the address and the phone number.

2. If you plan to play at your home, do not turn off your phone. Use 911 if you have to, and keep your safe call friend's phone number posted by each phone in case you need it.

3. If you plan to play at a motel or at a third party's home, make sure your safe call friend knows exactly where you'll be. (If in a motel, make sure they have the room number and the name in which the room is registered).

4. It's a good idea to keep your first scene light.

5. Make sure you've discussed limits and expectations thoroughly with your play partner.

6. Use a "safeword".

7. Insist on safe sex. Bring your own condoms, just in case.


GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR SAFE PLAY

1. Talk to your partner. Negotiate scenes in advance, reconcile safe sex issues and agree on limits, st up safewords, discuss any health and/or emotional issues or injuries past or present which might cause problems, discuss experience levels and expectations, discuss plans for handling any emergency and where emergency equipment is placed.

2. Never rush a scene. Take your time, build it up and enjoy. Rushing is bound to cause a scene to fail and will quite possibly end up in an accident, either physical or mental.

3. When beating, whipping, caning, etc., keep on muscled tissue. Avoid bone, joints, tendons and both the front and back of the abdominal cavity area. The thinner the whip the more sting but less sound and with greater force the more likely to leave a mark. Always respect limits and if the bottom says no marks, leave no marks.

4. Electricity should never be applied above the waist, sending a current through the heart could be fatal. It is okay to use commercially made electric clamps because the current only goes through one nipple. Violet Wands can be used above the waist, but not anywherenear the eyes as it could cause permanent blindness. Always make sure both you and the subject are grounded and no liquids are present. Never use direct current or a car battery. Never try electrical play without instruction from someone well versed in the scene.

5. Anything inserted in the vagina or ass should be covered with a latex and well lubricated with a water based lubricant. Double or even triple "bagging" is appropriate. Condoms can and do fail. Oils found in Crisco, petroleum jelly, hand lotions, etc. will break down latex quickly. A lubricant containing nonoxynol-9 is an added plus. When fisting, you can never use too much lube. If your bottom things he/she is dry, apply more, especially in a fisting scene. In fisting, the bottom must be in control and the top's hand is in service to the bottom. In fucking, it is always safer not to cum inside the recipient even with a condom on. As always, it is the involved parties responsibility to access the amount of risk willing to be taken.

6. Any item that has come in contact with someone's blood, piss, shit or cum must be appropriately cleaned and/or sterilized before being used on someone else. It really makes sense to clean one person toys before they are used again.

7. The safest sex is solo sex. Next is sex in a monogamous relationship where both parties know their HIV status and are healthy. Then having safe, protected sex with a limited number of partners you know well. Sex with strangers is risky, even protected sex.

8. Bondage safety includes being careful around the joints (not too tight), leaving air passages open for breathing, helping the bound submissive with walking and stairs, not leaving the bound submissive alone, always have heavy duty paramedic bandage scissors (or 2 pair) and a strong carpet knife or police emergency knife (as a backup) for quick release (both should be tested when new and tested on any new bondage materials). Locks should be tested with the key before being used. Bondage with items with a wider surface is both faster going on and off (an ace bandage is easier and faster than rope). For long term bondage scenes don't make it too tight, you will only have to undo it if the bottom gets too uncomfortable. A bound submissive can only stand so long, it is better to have them prone or sitting.

9. If you drink or use drugs, always practice moderation. Remember the effects they have overall. Reaction time may be slowed, pain reactions could be diminished, your aim could be off, etc.

10. All SM players should know first aid and CPR. The Red Cross has good classes and offer certificates upon completion. It is not unreasonable to make your partner show his/her credentials. Keep a good first aid kit in your toy bag and keep a better first aid kit in the house.

11. Enemas should not go over 2 quarts of liquid at a time. Do not share enema bags. Clean hoses, tips and nozzles appropriately. Mixing drugs and alcohol intensifies their effect, a little goes a long way and a fifth of booze will probably kill you. If a condom breaks or something gets stuck up your ass, don't try to flush it out with an enema. You will probably only push the item further up there, making it harder to remove. Fist fucking bottoms should always clean themselves out before the action begins. Fecal matter can be gritty and cause tears in the lining of the rectum which will become infected. Use only clean water, many a case of Montezuma's Revenge has been caused using water that was not fit for drinking!

12. Oral sex is considered safer sex. However, Denver Public Health has had 3 confirmed cases of oral HIV transmission during the last few months of 1997. Open wounds in the mouth are the most likely cause of the transmission. Do not brush your teeth for at least 3 hours prior to engaging in oral sex. Do brush (baking soda is recommended), floss and rinse with an antiseptic mouthwash afterwards. It is best to cover it up and at the very least don't take the "load" in your mouth. "On me not in me." The new flavored lubes and condoms are a great help.

13. Scat is very risky to play with. All sorts of things can be passed in it. Again "on me not in me" is the least risky. Use the above oral sex precautions.

14. Water sports are much less risky but scat but there is still risk. Whatever infections you have in your bladder can be passed on. It is generally safe for you to drink your own urine and being forced to do so can be both humiliating and hot. Never let urine get in someone's eyes, as gonorrhea is passed in urine and can cause blindness. Follow brushing guidelines for oral sex above.

15. Anytime a sterile area of the body is to be stuffed, cut or pierced (anything that cuts the skin is entering a sterile area) that area of the body needs to be washed with antibacterial soap, rinsed and dried (clean towels only, please), then disinfected with rubbing alcohol or with a provodone-iodine solution such as Betadine. The cleaning pattern should be circular, working away from the area to be "worked" on. It is also a good idea to pull a cock through a clean towel with a hole in it before you stuff anything up the cock. Your hands should be scrubbed with antibacterial soap and covered with sterile gloves (available in presealed packets). Once in the gloves only touch sterilized equipment or skin! After any "procedure", once again wash the area with antibacterial soap, rinse with water, dry with a clean towel and disinfect with rubbing alcohol or the provodone-iodine solution such as Betadine. Needles should be disposed of in a sharps container. Placement of permanent piercings is crucial and should be done only by someone with experience, preferably a professional.


CLEANING YOUR TOYS:

Dildos and Butt Plugs, Pool Balls, Enema Equipment, etc.

The easiest way to prevent the spread of diseases is to only use any toy on only one person. If a toy is going to be used on more than one person, it must either be sterilized or cleaned and decontaminated if it has come into contact with someone's bodily fluids.

Even with clean toys, it is a good idea to put a condom or two on them before use. This also helps facilitate in cleaning. Also, it is a good idea to let the toys air dry for at least 24 hours between uses. Clean toys can be kept that way if wrapped in separate clean towels and ready for the next use. It is also a good idea to wear latex gloves when using such toys, unless you are sure you do not have any cuts, abrasions or scratches on your hands. Washing hands in rubbing alcohol will usually tell you, but not always!

There are three methods:

1. First wash with soapy water to remove all debris from all "nooks and crannies", antibacterial soap is best. Then rinse and dry with a clean towel. Next, either soak the item in a solution of at least 10% chlorine bleach (1 part bleach to 9 parts water) for 4 to 30 minutes (everyone has their own idea of how long... we suggest at least 10 minutes); or soak the item in at least 25% rubbing alcohol solution (70% isopropyl alcohol is what is usually sold and can be used without dilution. It is not recommended to use the 90% solutions as it might dry and only preserve the "bugs"); or use hydrogen peroxide or a provodone-iodine solution such as Betadine rinsed off with rubbing alcohol. Next rinse the item well again and dry with a new clean towel. Paper towels work great for the drying process.

2. Run items through your dishwasher. Note that your dishwasher must reach a temperature of 135 to 140 degrees F. and maintain that for at least 4 to 5 minutes. Be careful of using this method with items that may melt!

3. Items which can stand the heat can be "baked" in the oven at 140 to 180 degrees F. for 8 hours or at 300 degrees F. for 1 hour after being washed with soapy water to remove any debris. Always let the items cool before you try to use them in/on someone! Remember not all items can withstand this kind of heat but it works well on metal butt plugs, metal "eggs" and such. Please don't melt your favorite latex dildo!


Leather Whips, Gags, Dildos, etc.

Leather items that come in contact with someone's bodily fluids must also be cleaned and decontaminated. since leather is not very forgiving of being soaked in wet stuff or "baked", the problem is a little more difficult than for rubber and latex. Hydrogen peroxide is not a good choice. Chlorine bleach will discolor some leather but can be used in a 10% solution as described above. The preferred method seems to be to wash the item in warm soapy (antibacterial soap preferred) water and dry, pressing out the water in clean towels. Then use the rubbing alcohol solution (70% isopropyl alcohol) to clean all the areas. Be especially careful to clean all the porous parts such as the stitching in leather dildos (a fingernail brush will help), you really are still not going to get it all and these should be one person toys or at the very least "bagged" in a condom or three! Rinse and dry the item again in a fresh clean towel. Next the leather should be reconditioned. Suggestions include Lexol, Care 4, bag balm (used on chapped cow udders and other veterinary uses) and Dubbin. Ask for recommendations from your leather supplier for what they consider best. Remember anything going in the body could have adverse effects. Bad taste being only one! Kelly Thilbault's Leather and Latex Care (Daedalus Publishing Company, 1996) is highly recommended for all you could ever want to know about the care and cleaning of these products. As a disclaimer, leather toys are very difficult to clean at best and many health care professionals feel that even the above methods are not completely effective, especially true for Hepatitis B virus which is very hard to kill. Many tops simply label the bottom's names on these toys handles and reserve their use for only that person.


Catheters, Sounds, Razors, Knives, Piercing Needles, Branding Irons, etc.

All the above items which enter sterile areas of the body or are intended to draw blood must be sterilized! The above methods only clean things and do not sterilize! Ideally these items should only be one time use, not even used on the same person twice, but we all know the reality.

Anytime a sterile area is to be stuffed, cut or pierced, that area of the body needs to be washed with antibacterial soap, rinsed and dried (clean towels only, please), then disinfected with rubbing alcohol or with a provodone-iodine solution such as Betadine. The cleaning pattern should be circular, working away from the area to be "worked" on. It is also a good idea to pull a cock through a clean towel with a hole in it before you stuff anything up the cock. Your hands should be scrubbed with antibacterial soap and covered with sterile gloves (available in presealed packets). Once in the gloves only touch sterilized equipment or skin! After any "procedure", once again wash the area with antibacterial soap, rinse with water, dry with a clean towel and disinfect with rubbing alcohol or the provodone-iodine solution such as Betadine. Needles should be disposed of in a sharps container. Placement of permanent piercings is crucial and should be done only by someone with experience, preferably a professional. (Yes.. this is a repeat of the section on General Guidelines for Safe Play above, but it is important and needed to be repeated here.

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