Slaves and Limits

Since I identify as a "slave-wired" submissive, one of the most frequent questions posed to me concerns slavery and limits.   The question takes many forms, ranging from "Can slaves have limits?" to "I met someone who wants to be my slave and says she has no limits.   What do I do?"   I usually begin my answer to these unfortunate Dominants with a suggestion;  "Tell her to cut off the end of her pinkie and mail it to you.   She’ll find her limits quickly enough."   Yes, I know... an overly simplistic answer to a difficult question, but at least it begins a discussion that is couched in reality rather than the slave’s fantasy image of what she "should" be.

Can slaves have limits.   Yes!  Yes!  Yes!   If they don’t, I suspect they have too many emotional issues to even consider participating in a power exchange.   Everyone has a moral compass and there are things that we just won’t do... not for anyone... not even for someone we have agreed is our Master.   The real question isn’t "can slaves have limits" but "how do we better communicate our limits before agreeing to a M/s or even a D/s relationship.

I think the key is taking the time to really get to know someone before allowing our lust to drive us into a power exchange with that person.   We meet, the chemistry is present, the play is hot - and all too often we immediately begin thinking in terms of relationship.   There is nothing wrong with hot scenes that don’t become a D/s relationship!   I have several play partners that could never meet my criteria for Master, but I enjoy the play and the friendship and yes, even the heat!

Choosing a Master, for me, means finding that compatible soul whose desires and fantasies so closely mirror my own that I can happily agree to fulfill all of them and for the most part, thoroughly enjoy myself while doing so.   Only then can I serve Him completely, finding satisfaction in that service in those times that His fantasies don’t make me hot!

Personally, I need to be able to sincerely say the words "Whatever pleases You Master." in a power exchange relationship.   If a potential partner discovered something that he liked that I hated (canes, for example) and agreed never to use one on me other than in punishment, I would always know that there was a desire in him that I could not fulfill.   That would severely detract from my ability to be fulfilled in that relationship.   The slave in me needs to be able to happily fulfill all his desires and fantasies - not just a portion of them.   But, I am realistic about my ability to handle a constant dose of a hated activity and could probably not maintain an enthusiastic attitude toward play if I knew that the dreaded cane would be a part of every scene.   Soon, my enthusiasm would wane and the relationship would falter, no matter how much I wanted to serve this particular Master.   Does that make me a bad slave?   By whose definition?   I think that trying to go forward with something that I truly know I cannot achieve is far worse.

So, engage in "courtship".   Learn about each other.   Don’t jump into the first relationship that makes your dick hard or your panties wet.   By all means, play with that person and enjoy it but don’t try to make it what it isn’t.   If you don’t want to have stated limits, choose wisely.   Masters, make sure you get answers to your questions about what a potential slave does and doesn’t like.   If she refuses to divulge this information, you may have a potential problem on your hands.

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